"This is my first post here, so apologies if I mention or ask things that have been said too many times, or are against some rule or something.
I've been brooding for a couple of years now, and I'm fairly sure that I'm suffering from depression brought on by my increasing desire to become a woman, and even more so from a constant fear that I am trapped in this body. This gender.
I've read several things about this, including HRT and FFS, and the hormones that come with the former; Estrofem, Spirotone and Microgest seem highly recommended, but I am frightened to start self-medicating myself drugs. Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong, as the saying goes.
I'm far from being especially feminine, with somewhat broad shoulders, gruff voice and mannerisms and a slouch of a walk - All of which (Sans the shoulders) can be made more feminine with practice: Speech training or trachea shavings for example, so this isn't too big an issue in the big picture.
The biggest problem I am facing is talking about this issue with someone, except for close friends who I don't see face-to-face that often. I'm sure my mother would be supportive, and my father disapproving but would want what is best for me, but I just can't bring up the subject. I would love to see a therapist, or a counsellor or someone along that profession, but I've no doubt that would be extremely costly (Not that I mind paying a LOT of money for this) and I don't know if I would even be able to confide in them this issue of mine.
I'm from the UK, and I have heard about people who have received treatment, sometimes surgery, from the NHS. Can anyone shed some light on this?
I think my main question here is: What should I do, and how should I start? Is Self-Medicating recommended at all, with the potential health risks? Am I just being silly, and a coward, when in fact there is nothing wrong with me?Once again, I'm sorry for the post, that has probably been made countless times, but I need to get this off my chest somewhere, and from lurking for a while, here seems to be a good place."
This was my post on 420chan, and I truly hope I get at the very least friendly replies. If I get unpleasant and unhelpful ones, it would just destroy me ;-;
ANYWAY, MOVING ON.
So, I haven't posted an update for quite a while. And why is that you ask? Well, my child, I'll tell you. I've been busy.
WORKING.
Yeaaaah, that's right. I started my job two weeks ago, and I am enjoying it so far. The pay is low, but for what I do, I don't mind it at all. Park Maintenance, helping the public and what not, working outside; It's all real pleasant.
It gives me a lot of time to think (And smoke, bad Sean) and I just don't know where I stand anymore, in terms of what I want. I don't know if I'm Gay, Bisexual or Straight and I don't know if I crave a relationship or if I just want to be left alone.
lolsodeep amirite
Also, typing from the right hand side looks so fucking cool.
Also also also, I get Friday, Saturday and Sunday off this week, I can't wait to get drunk at home. Alone. Orz.
I can honestly say that if you were to go through with HRT and stuff you'd be a lovely woman! :D hohoho! (idk if its appropriate to ask but what name would you use as a girl?)
Or Sam(antha)